Is anyone out there! I want to say thank you to anyone that has read my blog and has liked it! I also wanted to say sorry that I have not written in...Well, please don't make me count. I am not very good with numbers.
So I have been thinking and thinking. I have been thinking "Kia, what's wrong with you?" "Why aren't you reading anymore?" "Why aren't you trying to write anymore?" "Why aren't you being enthusiastic in you favorite classes?" Despite it being a little strange me having little conversations with myself in my head...that is not the strangest thing about my conversations with myself. The strange thing is that I keep having the same conversations with myself over and over again. After all, isn't that the definition of "insanity"? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. You know that's not going to get me anywhere and I know it as well.
So I decided something has got to give. Something has to change. I had to start answering those questions with something other than: "I just don't feel like it" or "I'm tired" or "Because'' while I made my very infamous, not very appealing, grumpy face.
I decided to answer with the truth. The truth is I was scared. "Of what?" one might ask. I might answer: "I was and I am afraid of growing up. Which is irrational because growing up is inevitable as long as I keep on breathing. I was scared to apply to college, but I had to. I was afraid to pick where I would be going to college, but I had to (not like had many options, but still). I am afraid of graduating high school, but I desperately want to.
The truth be (or is if we want to be grammatically correct) is that if I let fear rule in my life I won't be living a very happy life, will I? Fear or being afraid of doing something that I want to do is the villian in the grand scheme of life and I can't let it win, we can't let it win. We can do the things we have always hoped of doing and dreams most sacred to us can (and will) come true as long as we let them.
Some things in life may be unavoidable, but our decisions make us the people that we are whether those decisions are good or bad...Well who knows? Maybe that 'mistake' was something I had to do in order to be sitting here in this chair, in my living room, pondering on life and feeling all inspired while a plumber is working on fixing a problemo in the W.C. Who really knows? I for one sure don't.
My point is I am going to start stopping letting fear get in my way. Fear is the bad guy for goodness' sake! How in the world do I spell "Goodness' " correctly any way? Any way no matter what is that's stopping you from becoming an artist, or doctor, or whatever you want to do or who you want to be in this life... Don't let it! I beg of you, do it for me? Well, really do it for yourself because if you don't do what you want who will do it for you? Who will tell Fear or Negativity "You're not welcome in my life!" Unless we do it ourselves? No one will.
So I must say, I have a had a pretty rough couple of months but as my great uncle always says "It could be worse." I sure thank the Big Man upstairs that it's not...whatever the dreadful 'worse' could be. So my fellow readers and writers maybe you'll ask yourself like I've asked myself: "Why waste this life letting Fear (or the villian or the Ultimate Bad Guy or that Little Negative Voice) stop me from living the life that I want to live or doing the things I want to do?" And if you do ever ask yourself that question just know that I couldn't think of a good answer for that either.
I hope you had a lovely weekend and a lovely first of April! Any thoughts for me?
P.S. Sink or Swim?